Cosmos players given hilarious nicknames ahead of team tournament

The Cosmos are having their third annual ping pong tournament ahead of the season kicking off, and on Tuesday, the brackets were released. Here's what they look like, courtesy of the NASL:

Some amazing nicknames in there. MT @NYCosmos Here's the full #CosmosPingPong bracket: pic.twitter.com/bE6HgtiQC6

— NASL (@naslofficial) March 10, 2015

Thoughts:

• Someone at the club failed Bracketology 101. One playing ten? Six playing sixteen? C'mon, guys, you can do better than that...
• Mads Stokkelien has quite the dilemma...does he take it easy on head coach Gio Savarese knowing that minutes could be on the line? Does he wipe the floor with him in order to display competitive fire? I'd think Gio will be playing mind games ahead of that one.
• Brian Holt's nickname is the highlight of the tournament, as far as I'm concerned. 'Bite Size' needs to stick.
• What on Earth did David Diosa do to deserve the nickname 'Bieber'? Poor guy.
• Round two could feature 'The Ripper' against 'The Butcher'. I hope the medical staff is ready.
• The highlights from this better make the club's Youtube channel.